Houston Astros: MLB bullies can only be stopped by one franchise

The baseball world is abuzz with talk about the Houston Astros, who are off to a recording-setting start to the 2017 season, and are on pace to break the record for wins in a season, both live ball, and pre-live ball era. They are showing the rest of us that they are one of the most complete baseball teams ever. I could go on and on for a long time but I won’t. Why not? Because we’ve seen this movie before, it’s called “The Tortoise And The Hare.”

If we were to make the 2017 MLB season into a movie, the Houston Astros of course would play the role of the hare. Sorry Bugs Bunny, you won’t be needed for this one. We will also be casting another team as the tortoise, so Cecil, you can sit this one out as well. But who is the tortoise?

First to the stage is the first place Washington Nationals. Well now, you guys are 12 games clear of the Braves in the NL East, but, there is something about you that just doesn’t bode well come postseason time. So sorry, thanks for auditioning, but we are going to go another direction.

Next up, the Colorado Rockies. You guys have really surprised the rest of the league this year, as everyone thought you would be in third place. But sorry, you still don’t have a rotation, so thanks for coming.

Next. The first place New York Yankees grace the stage. You guys have really stunned the world so far in 2017, as you were expected to be one of the worst teams in baseball this season. But, your rotation is being held together by tape and glue, and if you reach the postseason, you are relying on 800-year-old C.C. Sabathia to find the fountain of youth against the game’s best throwers. Thanks for the tryout. Next.

The first place Milwaukee Brewers step up onto the stage. Who the hell would have seen this one coming? Nice story, but you guys can’t pitch, so please leave the stage now. Thank you.

Who’s next? The Los Angeles Dodgers approach the stage. Nice and steady, exactly what we want for the role, but your ace has a serious case of the yippers in the postseason, so no.

The Arizona Diamondbacks step onto the stage next. Another great story, but your ace could turn on you in a split second if one little thing goes wrong, so not happening. The Minnesota Twins step to the stage. Another great story, and you guys have the AL MVP as of this moment, Miguel Sano. But your rotation scares me, in a bad way.

Who’s next? The Boston Red Sox step to the stage next. You guys have a deep rotation, a lights out closer, and a balanced offense, everything you could want come postseason time. You guys are definitely the leaders at the moment, so expect us to call you after the auditions are over.

Next to the stage are the Baltimore Orioles. Great offense, but you guys can’t pitch, at all. Thanks for coming. Who’s next?

The Chicago Cubs step to the stage. The defending World Series champions. If there’s anyone that could take down the Astros, it would be you guys. But, you can’t get your heads out of your own rear ends right now, so until you do, that isn’t going to happen.

Next to the stage are the St. Louis Cardinals. Really? Are you serious? Your offense has been stuck in the parking lot of Walmart to start the season, and your rotation has been spotty at best. So what makes you think you can play the role of the tortoise?

“Because, unlike everybody else, we will not be afraid.”

Congratulations, you got the part.