LaVar Ball: The NBA’s biggest villain without ever playing a game

Dan O'Shea

Believe it or not, the NBA world needs villains. Somebody we can all hate together, regardless of gender, race, or fanhood. A hatred so pure down to its very core that it doesn’t unite us as a state, or country, but as a world. LaVar Ball is not the villain we deserve, but the one we need right now. He’ll let us boo him, because he believes he can take it better than anyone. He is the boisterous guardian, the Big Baller Brand’s protector, the league’s greatest villain. 

While we have the most talent the NBA has ever seen, we somehow just came off of the most boring postseason in recent memory. The league is more slanted than the Titanic after it drilled that iceberg all those years ago, with the top heavy teams making 2K sound like the better option over actually watching a game. The league doesn’t need a hero we can rally behind, it needs a villain. LeBron already proved what happens when you make him the bad guy from 2011-2013, and it’s hard to hate KD and the Warriors considering it does not matter at all and they’ll win a championship anyway. That’s why LaVar Ball is already the best villain the league has possibly ever seen.

The best part? He loves it.

LaVar

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We haven’t seen a personality in the NBA embrace being the villain since Bill Laimbeer back when he was with the Bad Boys. It’s not like Ball can even back it up like Laimbeer could. Why? Because Ball does not play. That’s right, people get mad on the internet over a man who has played just as many NBA games as the man who delivered your mail this morning. Yet somehow, he has the NBA wrapped around his finger like an evil genius.

The most surprising thing about this would be if there was a single person on Earth who was still surprised by this. All you have to do is literally hear the man talk about anything just once and you’d be convinced. You can bring up what’s better chunky or smooth peanut butter and he’d go on some sort of tangent that would make millions of people somehow hate him and whatever brand of peanut butter he chooses. Nothing would be more detrimental to the chunky peanut butter business.

Just listen to him actually out-yell Stephen A. Smith. That’s more impressive than giving Conor McGregor a Stone Cold Stunner and living to tell the tale.

I could say “if you just watch this one LaVar Ball clip you’d be convinced he’s the biggest villain in the NBA” when describing a minimum of fourteen different clips.

He has every single thing you need as a villain in the NBA. He’s loud, obnoxious, and he carries around this brand of confidence that makes you shudder when he enters your city. Whether you find him as the most entertaining man on the planet or you’re part of the alliance that’s actively trying to get rid of him, that’s fine. There’s two sides of every story. Every villain had followers. Darth Vader would have never taken over the galaxy without the help of the Empire, Wizard of Oz would’ve never been controlled by the Wicked Witch of the West without the help of the flying monkeys, and LaVar Ball would be nowhere without the help of all of you.

For those of you who couldn’t stand to watch too much of the man behind the Big Baller Brand, he literally said that both Jesus and Zeus gave him the inside scoop and said Lonzo Ball was going to the Lakers. The reason why you can’t make this sh*t up is because LaVar Ball is going to take credit for making it up before you even hatch the idea of doing so in your head. I’d say he’s being disrespectful to other all-knowing entities out there, but he does not even car for a second about being disrespectful. Just watch him march out of the draft to a chorus of boos like it’s the same music Miss America hears for the first time when she wins.

 


People are always calling LaVar Ball a heel, comparing his bravado to the same kind of attitude a villain in the WWE must have. Well boys and girls, guess who showed up to WWE Monday Night Raw? You didn’t think LaVar Ball was going to commit to this whole act? You thought he might miss out on an opportunity to promote not only the Big Baller Brand and his children, but himself? Yea right. Cue LaVar’s music.

 

If you don’t think I’m walking into every bar I ever go into, slipping the DJ a 10 spot and telling him to play “Ruff Ryder’s Anthem” by DMX and walking into that unknowing establishment just like LaVar Ball hit that stage, then you are dead fu*king wrong.

Whether or not you love the WWE or you think it’s lame, we can all agree the storylines, most of the dialogue, and the outcomes are scripted. Now let’s ask a legitimate question. Do you think LaVar Ball is actually following a script, or he’s just doing whatever he wants and everyone in the ring is following his lead? There is a better chance LaVar comes out of your screen and makes fun of not only your shoes, but your sweet mother’s as well than there is of that man following any sort of pre-written storyline for himself.

 


Not only does he not care, but he’s not going to change. Ever. For anybody or anything. The same man who blew multi-million dollar shoe deals with companies like Nike and Adidas for his son is not going to stop giving you reasons to boo him just because he isn’t liked. He’s going to keep bringing on the boos, he’s going to keep charging you $500 for mediocre sneakers, and he’s going to continue to say outlandish things. Even when he loses you’re not going to see him stop. That’s what makes him the perfect villain. Listen to him after Lonzo Ball got bounced from the NCAA Tournament.

 


He’s the type of man who falls down and then gets back up by calling you soft and flipping the middle finger right in between your eyes is the villain we need. He will never, ever touch a court, yet he’s going to easily be the most hateable man in the league. He wants your hate, and you want to give it to him. Welcome to the most-fun you’re going to have with someone to hate, NBA fans. Just enjoy the entertainment that comes with it. Otherwise, you’re going to just be flat out miserable for the next two decades.

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