Kevin Magnussen Caught Peeing on Rival Pit-Wall in Barcelona Tests

In a shocking development, Haas F1 driver Kevin Magnussen has been caught by a quick photographer taking a leak out in the open of the pit-wall during the Barcelona tests. The Danish driver dropped his race suit and bled the lizard in the spot where Renault boss Cyril Abiteboul had been standing moments earlier.

KMag wee

K-Mag’s yellow protest arrives over a month after team boss Cyril Abiteboul made unsavoury comments about the Danish driver, calling him unprofessional, unimpressive and a nettlesome sod. Haas team Principal Guenther Steiner was asked to comment on the incident, but could only manage a snigger. Abiteboul was seen walking around the paddock later on, but his Renault-yellow trousers didn’t give any insight into whether K-Mag had hit his target. When the Renault man found out about K-Mag’s liquid attack, he didn’t call the Danish driver anything he hasn’t already.

Other Not-News from the Paddock

Red Bull RB13 Nose-Hole Explained

The much talked about nose hole of the Red Bull RB13 has finally been attributed a purpose by the Red Bull team. During the tests, we asked backroom aerodynamicist Aaron Breezy to give us some insight:

“The hole in the nose has been a talking point for the past few days, we can’t believe nobody has called it a nostril yet. That’s exactly how it works, really. The nostril will essentially work as an air hole, to allow Adrian Newey an ample supply of oxygen.”

– Aaron Breezy

Hole on nose-tip

Even more confused, we asked Aaron why Adrian Newey would need an oxygen supply if he’s sitting on the pit-wall?

“Adrian wants to be central to the RB13, so he will be inside the chassis for the entirety of each race, allowing him to repair the car if there’s any attrition during the Grand Prix. He needs an oxygen supply and is well aware that putting his face near the hole could be fatal. We will have an overweight car as a result, but secretly trying this out on the media day in Ricciardo’s car proved that we were still fast.”

– Aaron Breezy

 

Some teams are already looking to imitate the ingenuity of putting your Technical Director inside the actual chassis, it puts Williams in a strong position given how small Paddy Lowe is. There are rumours circulating around Ferrari that Stefano Domenicalli might be making a return for similar reasoning.

Lewis Hamilton stunt double testing for Mercedes as real Lewis Hamilton attends Oscars Afterparties

LH44

A stunt double is testing the W08 in Barcelona as the real Lewis Hamilton lives it large and dons his finest sequin blazer at The Oscars Afterparty in Hollywood. The British star was expected to reveal details about a musical he’s written about his racing career, titled ‘Lew-Lew-Land’, but the movie has been axed after last night’s result. The real Lewis Hamilton will arrive in Barcelona for the tests tomorrow, hungover AF.

Anticipated Suspension Row actually not a Row

Hamilton drives the W08

Some journalists expected the suspension row between Mercedes, Red Bull and Ferrari to be an actual argument, with loud voices, lapel-grabbing and jostling. Disappointingly, the real picture was a brief moment of glancing between Maurizio Arrivabene and Toto Wolff, who both walked into a grey mobile office holding clipboards, only to emerge ten minutes later, without the clipboards but with the same expressions of mild anguish splurged across their faces.

Disclaimer: This was satirical – Magnussen uses a toilet, Adrian Newey won’t be riding in the Red Bull Chassis, Hamilton is testing and isn’t writing a musical, and the suspension row could still become a row…