Hamilton critical of critics criticising his pre-race three-day bender

Ryan Ashenhurst
Ryan Ashenhurst
Ryan Ashenhurst
Contributor

Lewis Hamilton has given the middle finger to those that criticised the Brit’s decision to take part in a three-day bender in Greece rather than attend the F1 Live event that took place in London before the British Grand Prix.

Hamilton, who secured victory at Silverstone by dropping drawing pins on the circuit to destroy the hopes of the chasing Ferraris, believes that his performance absconds any criticism of letting down the swathes of unwashed who held him in the air after the race. A Mercedes spokesperson said,

“Look, when you’re a star, you can forget about just biting the hand that feeds you, you can actually poo into the hands that feeds you, and they will thank you for warming their palms up.

Warming the palms after the British GP.

Lewis has made it clear that if his critics don’t know that his preparation works by now, they never will. He has a ritualistic regime of spontaneity, and the three-day bender in Greece really did help him push on for the win today. Two Kilo’s of feta cheese, sixteen pints of ouzo and a tattoo that says “Zante 2K17″ in Arabic on his ankle is exactly the sort of thing he needs to do more often to extract the best performance out of the race.

Ahead of the Hungarian Grand Prix, he’s planning a micro-break at a two-star hostel on the Costa Del Sol, and wants to fill up on English Breakfasts and Tetleys and then get into a street-fight with a sunburnt Glaswegian holidaymaker whilst he’s out there. This regime will boost his abilities in the car if completed within 24-hours of the start of the Hungarian weekend. It’s definitely, one-hundred-and-forty-four percent connected.”

– Mercedes Spokesperson

Ouzo – An alcoholic, aniseed-y delight from Greece.

Hamilton stormed to victory at the British Grand Prix and has reduced Vettel’s lead in the standings to a point – That point being that the German has had the slight edge so far. But without anything in Vettel’s locker in terms of spontaneous trips abroad, his preparation heading into the second half of the season is looking dire. The guy needs five days of Class-B’s in Marbella at least.


Other Non-News from the Paddock:

F1 Driver for Sale on Gumtree Faenza

A French buyer has shown interest in a sales ad that has emerged on Gumtree Faenza, reports testify. A seller with the username H.MarcoPolo describes the F1 driver as “fiery” and “not a torpedo” and indicates that a bid in the region of €8m would be enough to buy the unique item which is of course, under the miscellaneous tab. A French Gumtree account with the username C.Ibitabowl has enquired about the purchase but based on the lack of quality on delivery time, might only secure the driver for sale after the Hungarian Grand Prix.


Raikkonen Describes Weekend of Bad Luck

 

Avid lap by lap followers of Formula 1 will be aware that during the British Grand Prix, Kimi Raikkonen complained over team radio that there was something loose in his cockpit during the race. The Ferrari team were shocked to find that the loose item in question was a black cat. Upon trying to coax Kimi for more information, we followed him to the Ferrari catering tent for some insight. The Finn walked beneath several ladders as he described the ordeal:

“It.Was.A.Rubbish.Time.”

– Kimi Raikkonen

An ecstatic Raikkonen.

After spilling salt all over his post-race chips, his PR friend’s umbrella burst open indoors, causing the Finn to fall backwards into a mirror, breaking it. He shook his head, and on his way out, almost tripped on a very large book of cliche’s that somebody had left by the door. The upgrade on the cards for the number seven car heading to Hungary has to be some sort of aerodynamically sound rabbit’s foot.

 

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