Oi, Football Journalists! Cut This Sh*t Out!

Daniel Blazer
Daniel Blazer
Daniel Blazer
Managing Editor

You’ve just read the title: “Chelsea, Man United and Arsenal all chasing world-class ace!”

Gooners, Blues and Red Devils across the globe are struggling to contain themselves as they frantically move their cursor over the link:

Only to realise the sensationalised bullshit doesn’t mean Robert Lewandowski but instead was referring to some 14-year-old Nigerian striker who won’t ever be heard of again.

The most annoying part of it all is the fact that, despite knowing you’re going to be disappointed and angry you’ve clicked the link, they get you time and time again because the fact that one time it *might* be Robert Lewandowski is worth the million frustrations.

But what other annoying traits do sports journalists – yeah, I know that includes me???? – have?

ACE/HOTSHOT/SENSATION

There are players out there who deserve the tag of superstar etc but fuck me it does my head in when Nicklas Bendtner and Zlatan Ibrahimovic are described in the same manner.

LYING

Stop fucking doing it.

Like, seriously, fuck off.

Lionel Messi isn’t going to Manchester City.

Tottenham aren’t interested in Player X.

Louis van Gaal probably hasn’t even heard of ‘so and so’, let alone interested in bidding for him.

Cut the crap.

CLICHES

Footballing cliches, along with sachets of sauce, being charged for withdrawing your own money and spending nearly £5 for a coffee, need to all die.

Be imaginative! After all, it’s what you’re being paid for!

That being said, just because it’s a cliche, it doesn’t mean there isn’t a place for it within the world of sports journalism. However, at least use a cliche that is even half true:

“Nothing like a European night at Anfield”.

Right, yeah, mate. Buzzing my tits off for Liverpool’s Thursday night 5pm clash against *enter team name that looks like someone face-planted a keyboard*

EXCLUSIVES

In the social media age, it’s very hard for exclusives to be just that, exclusive. However, when several papers have the same story running and all are claiming it as an exclusive, it’s all a bit embarrassing to be honest.

And then the journalists will take to Twitter to argue amongst themselves, like little schoolchildren, about who really got the exclusive – here’s a hint, guys; none of you did.

Source: Cheeky Twats
Source: Cheeky Twats

 

Christ. I think I need to get out of the profession.