Five WTF! Football Transfers

Daniel Blazer
Daniel Blazer
Daniel Blazer
Managing Editor

Christ, I love a random move abroad for a player who just feels so stereotypically British.

Steven Fletcher joining Marseille, was not only my favourite thing about Deadline Day, but also my favourite thing about that Monday in general – to put it into perspective, if that move hadn’t have happened, my favourite thing about Monday would’ve been that I was undercharged on my Greggs ‘Sausage & Bean Melt’, which, as we all know, is fucking quality!

When an average British player makes the rare move abroad, it all feels very Football ‘Managery’ – yep, we’ve reached the point now where I’m making up words.

These scarce transfer dealings really must be appreciated; I mean, the thought of the Marseille powers that be getting together and going: “J’adore the bearded Scotsman” amuses me no end.

I live in hope that Steven Fletcher won’t be the last transfer of this kind but one thing that is for certain is that he certainly wasn’t the first!

Colin Kazim-Richards

Of course one of the major sides in Turkish football, Fenerbahce, would want to sign a player who had just been relegated from the Premier League.

The greatest thing about this whole move, is that the former Sheffield United winger renamed himself Colin Kazim-Kazim, which is just such a fun name to say.

Colin Kazim-Richards Fenerbahce
Source: Fenerbahce

 

Kyle Lafferty

Basically a poor version of Peter Crouch – How’s that for underwhelming?!

After going from Burnley to Darlington to Glasgow, the Northern Irishman’s passport got randomly more exciting with a move to FC Sion – love it!

It’s the big striker’s next move, after a season in Switzerland, that really gets him a spot on the list, with a stint at then-Serie B side Palermo.

Fun fact: Lafferty only lasted one season with the Rosanero, with club president Maurizio Zamparini labelling him an “out-of-control womaniser” and that this lifestyle forced the club to sell him.

 

Dale Jennings

Just one name in a long list of young footballers who were overhyped, pushed through the media hyperbole machine and never heard of again.

The sad thing for the former Tranmere Rovers player, is that, no matter what happens in his career now – not much by the sound of things, seeing as he’s reportedly too overweight to get into the MK Dons side – he has already achieved what he will be remembered for; Bayern Munich signing him.

Bayern bloody Munich. I mean, like, wtf, man!!!

Ravel Morrison

Apparently looking like you’ve come from the set of Shameless gets you a highly random move to Serie A giants, Lazio!

Emile Heskey

The news of Emile Heskey’s move to Newcastle Jets was just too perfect. And was from way out of left field.

For some reason, I actually had this image as my phone screensaver for a while. So, yeah, I’m single.

Emile Heskey Newcastle Jets
Source: Daily Mail