Toure Goes In Hard On Liverpool Team-Mates Despite Win

Daniel Blazer
Daniel Blazer
Daniel Blazer
Managing Editor

God only knows how Jurgen Klopp and his players celebrated after yesterday’s 6-0 mauling of Aston Villa, given the fact they probably considered an open top bus parade after rescuing a point at home to West Brom.

Source: Independent
Source: Independent

Kolo Toure was the chosen propaganda mouthpiece for the official Reds site after yesterday’s three points, with the defender, naturally, churning out the usual PR friendly waffle.

Let’s scrap away the horseshit and see what the defender really meant.

“I hadn’t scored for a long time. For me, it was very important to score at least one goal for Liverpool because every team I’ve played for, I’ve scored. I did it and I hope more goals will now come!”

Translation: “I’ve told Jurgen so many times, play me upfront; I’m better than Benteke. Everyone is.”

“It was a fantastic day. We played very well as a team – we defended and attacked very well. The first goal made the difference. First chance, first goal, with an assist from Philippe Coutinho.”

Translation: “About time that jumped up little shit, Coutinho, did something; he scores the odd decent goal and everyone is kissing his arse”

“That’s what we need, top players deliver. Defend as a team and fight as a team to get a clean sheet. If we play like that in every game, there aren’t many teams that can stop us.”

Translation: “If we played Aston Villa every week, we’d probably just about make top fo…six.”

“We just need to be focused and control the game. We are a technical team, and physical because we have so many young players.”

Translation: “Couldn’t tell you who half the guys were out there today. Thought we had a work experience scheme going on.

“But the team is strong; we have Origi, who came on and first chance, first goal. That showed a young player getting better and improving. [Christian] Benteke is playing very well and the goal will come.”

Translation: “Fucking hell, Christian, mate! Even Origi is scoring”

“Kevin [Stewart], the young midfield player, came in and played very well. That’s what we need to do, everybody giving 100 per cent for the team, fight, play simply and respect the team.”

Translation: “Who?”