A leaked extract from Jamie Vardy’s autobiography is doing the rounds

Daniel Blazer
Daniel Blazer
Daniel Blazer
Managing Editor

May 17th 2012

I remember it like it was yesterday – which is surprising considering I was absolutely off my rocker down the boozer with a few of the Fleetwood boys.

It was 11am, and I received a text off Micky (Mellon, Fleetwood Town manager), saying he needed to see me right away. So I quickly finished off the game of ‘Ring of Fire’ we were playing and headed down to the training ground.

What happened next still feels like a dream. Firstly, I saw the gaffer’s receptionist drop a fiver, so I pinched that when she wasn’t looking – what a touch. And then, when I was called into Micky’s office, I was met with two absolute melts dressed in suits.

My first thought was, ‘you’re the sort of guys I’d beat up in school’. Then Micky introduced me, and they were there on behalf of Leicester City Football Club.

The words “Fuck me!” escaped from my mouth before I could even stop them. I quickly apologised and everyone laughed – which is good for them, because otherwise I would’ve banged them out.

Leicester fucking City are interested in me. I couldn’t process the whole thing; I mean, just three seasons ago, I was playing at Stocksbridge Park Steels and had to get subbed off early in order to get home and beat the curfew of my electronic tag.

Now, I’m not a shy or insecure guy, but I began panicking. Could feel myself getting hot and started to worry that I might have chilli sauce from last night’s doner kebab on my tracksuit.

I didn’t, thank god.

The two suits started talking, and one introduced himself to me as Nigel Pearson. He scared the shit out of me, had hands the size of shovels but, I thought, if push comes to shove, I could take him.

Pearson spoke about his plans for Leicester, how I fitted into those and what he wanted to do with me. He said that he planned on honourably stepping aside for Claudio Ranieri in three seasons time, and therefore allowing Leicester City to win the Premier League title. When he said that, an old Facebook status of mine popped into my head: ‘Chat shit, get banged.’ This Nigel fella was certainly chatting a lot of shit.

I let him continue, though, as the truth was I’d already made up my mind about joining the Foxes as soon I realised they were interested.

After I left Micky’s office, I jumped straight into my #Banta2k12 WhatsApp group and let the boiz know I signed a deal with Leicester, which included a goal bonus clause of a crate of WKD