England Mourns Losing National Treasure

Rangers have today announced the signing of English footballing icon, Joey Barton, with the midfielder deciding to reject Burnley’s offer of a new contract, and instead opting to share his caring personality with the rest of the United Kingdom.

The whole Rangers squad are all said to be excited by the former Queens Park Rangers midfielder’s arrival:

“The buzz around the squad is massive with the news of Joey’s signing.


“We just don’t know which one of us he will assault first. That’s exciting and keeps things competitive.”

 

Kenny Miller

Barton’s move north of the border has provoked widespread despair amongst the fans of the Three Lions, however, Barton has moved quickly to reassure those concerned that he is still the best midfielder of his generation and that Roy Hodgson is wasting him:

“I’m great, me.

 

“I’m like a combination of Paul Scholes, Jesus Christ and Prince.

 

“Roy knows where I am should he wake up and smell the coffee.”

 

Joey Barton

Barton has promised to continue to make Roy Hodgson look like a fool for not selecting him, by being one of the best players in a league that has only been won by two clubs since the 1985/86 season.