Louis Van Gaal’s Next Job After Manchester United Announced

They mystery of how Louis van Gaal will fill his post-Manchester United days is over.

The former Red Devils skipper confirmed that he will start his new job managing three Subway restaurants outside of Northumberland next month.

I’ve reached an agreement with a prominent Subway franchisee to assume managerial duties for three Subway locations. My approach hasn’t changed. We’re going to be technically and tactically sound, first and foremost.

Van Gaal has big ideas on how to revitalize the restaurants.

We’re going to put the condiments on the bread first, before the meat. And we’re going to lay the cheese flat, like so, before the sandwiches go in the oven.

He also plans to infuse some of his Dutch heritage into the restaurants’ menus.

We plan to trial a magic mushroom infused sandwich. As a boy growing up in Amsterdam, most of what I learned about football and life was with the help of magic mushrooms.

This will be van Gaal’s eighth stop as a manager.

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While he has previously managed Barcelona and the Netherlands on two occasions each, taking charge of three Subways at once will be a new challenge for the Dutchman. His pedigree gives me every confidence that he is up to the task.

With Quiznos in its death throes, Louis van Gaal is has chosen his next stop as manager perfectly.

You gotta strike while the oven’s hot.