Amidst all the excitement of Euro 2016, on a rather more sorrowful note, a search party is underway throughout Europe’s competing nations. Ripping down the advertisements and poster-boy endorsements surrounding France’s stadiums, a group of worried campaigners are pinning their ‘Missing’ notices to lamp-posts: MISSING: SCOTLAND – LAST SEEN: 1998.
There’s real concern growing for Scotland, with many citizens across the competing European nations completely forgetting about their existence – it’s been so long since they were last seen:
“I seem to remember they had a pale defender with a blonde mullet?
“You’d think that’d make him fairly recognisable – but I haven’t seen anyone like that playing at any tournament for decades!”
Innocent European Bystander
Search efforts have been focussed around France, the last known whereabouts of Scotland way back in 1998, during the World Cup. Optimists were hoping that the buzz of France hosting another international tournament would bring the shy scots out of hiding – particularly given the reassurance of every of other home nation and Ireland competing through the summer. Police are comparing the situation to that of a schoolchild, left behind after a rare and enjoyable field trip.
There seems to be a great deal of confusion amongst many locals however, who have been studying the tournament team-maps. The UEFA sanctioned maps appear to promote the idea that Scotland will never be seen again:
“Scotland? What is a Scotland? Is that another English youngster I am yet to hear about?”
A Sophisticated Parisian
Little do the concerned Euro 2016 organisers know, they’ve miscalculated the situation. Scotland are not missing abroad, they are hiding completely off the radar of European football… in a small, wet and windy patch of land, slightly north of Newcastle.
Scotland aren’t the child left behind after a school-trip as authorities described, they’re the only kid in the class whose parents forgot to sign the permission slip for the trip.
While everyone else is singing songs on the bus and frolicking in casual clothes outside of the classroom, Scotland are sitting alone, banging chalk dusters together under the supervision of a caretaker.
Someone should tell the search party to bring down their missing posters – they weren’t offering a reward anyway…