UEFA Reveals The Squad With The Biggest Bloaters Of Euro 2016

Did someone say pointless footballing trivia? Good, because it’s time to get down to the nitty-gritty of Euro 2016 and we’re not talking about the boring maths behind the 3rd place playoffs. All the pressing questions will be answered right here, as well as pummelling the other unanswered queries in your general direction.

The Superlative Stats

As promised we’ll give you nitty, but first it’s time for the gritty. Here’s some cheeky stats you can whip out in front of your mates:

  • England’s Marcus Rashford is the youngest player at the tournament
  • Gábor Király and Shay Given could be the first 40-year-olds to play at a EURO finals
  • England have the youngest squad, the Republic of Ireland the oldest
  • Switzerland have three teenagers, the only squad with more than one
Source: Getty Images
Source: Getty Images

The home nations are grabbing all the age headlines ahead of this summer’s tournament. Rashford, a surprise inclusion in Roy Hodgson’s England squad is the youngest star to travel to France (born 31/10/1997) ahead of Renato Sanchez of Portugal (born 18/08/1997).

Ireland’s Shay Given (born 20/04/1976) will be hoping to steal the record for oldest player away from Lothar Matthäus, whos current record stands at 39 years 91 days.

The Youngsters

Youngest average squad ages:

  • 25.39 – England (3 players 21 or under)
  • 25.43 – Germany (3 players 21 or under)
  • 25.57 – Switzerland (4 players 21 or under – joint most with Croatia)
  • 25.91 – Belgium (3 players 21 or under)
  • 26.30 – Turkey (2 players 21 or under)
Source: Getty Images
Source: Getty Images

Old enemies England and Germany lead the way in pushing youth talent onto the international stage, whilst Switzerland have brought three teenagers within their squad. There shouldn’t be any excuse for tiredness in English legs with such a low average age… looking at you Dele Alli!

The Old Dogs

  • 29.39 – Republic of Ireland (11 players 30 or over)
  • 28.83 – Russia (9 players 30 or over)
  • 28.70 – Czech Republic (11 players 30 or over)
  • 28.43 – Slovakia (11 players 30 or over)
  • 28.43 – Italy (9 players 30 or over)
Source: OpenDomain
Source: OpenDomain

 

The Republic of Ireland’s old guard should be relishing the opportunity to show the youngsters a thing or two at Euro 2016 – providing they get their native luck to progress past

The Freaks Of Nature

The figures you’ve all been waiting for, the details behind the human anomalies attending Euro 2016:

The tallest players:

  • 2.03m – Costel Pantilimon (Romania, GK)
  • 2.01m – Fraser Forster (England, GK)
  • 2.01m – Lovre Kalinić (Croatia, GK)
  • 2.00m – Andreas Isaksson (Sweden, GK)

The Shortest Players:

  • 1.63m – Lorenzo Insigne (Italy, FW)
  • 1.65m – Jamie Ward (Northern Ireland, MF)
  • 1.67m – Pedro Rodríguez (Spain, FW)

Average Heights:

  • 1.86m – Sweden
  • 1.85m – Austria, Belgium, Croatia, Germany, Hungary, Iceland
  • 1.84m – Czech Republic, Poland, Slovakia, Switzerland, Ukraine
  • 1.83m – England, Italy, Northern Ireland, Republic of Ireland, Russia
  • 1.82m – Albania, France, Romania
  • 1.81m – Portugal, Turkey, Wales
  • 1.80m – Spain
Source: Getty Images
Source: Getty Images

Unsurprisingly, all of the Euro’s giants are goalkeepers and the shortest men are lightening forwards. I think I speak for everybody however, when I say a favourable draw of Italy vs Romania could potentially provide one of the most iconic photos in the history of the competition, watching Pantilimon and Insigne go head-to… knee-cap?

But Importantly… Who Ate All The Pies?

The statistic everyone’s been waiting for, the deal-breaker in every bar conversation:

Uneducated Mate: “Thomas Müller will be the best performer at Euro 2016”
You: “Nah mate, did you know Germany are the heaviest team at the tournament – they need to lay off the Eiweiβ-shakes (protein-shakes…cmon)”

  • 80.30kg – Germany
  • 80.17kg – Sweden
  • 79.70kg – Switzerland
  • 79.43kg – Hungary
  • 79.17kg – Austria
  • 78.87kg – Croatia
  • 78.52kg – Iceland
  • 78.35kg – Czech Republic
  • 77.78kg – Belgium
  • 77.74kg – Poland
  • 77.70kg – Republic of Ireland
  • 77.70kg – Slovakia
  • 77.48kg – Russia
  • 77.00kg – Italy
  • 76.91kg – France
  • 76.78kg – Northern Ireland
  • 76.09kg – Romania
  • 75.70kg – Wales
  • 75.65kg – Albania
  • 75.61kg – Portugal
  • 75.35kg – Ukraine
  • 75.17kg – England
  • 74.35kg – Spain
  • 74.30kg – Turkey
Source: Getty Images
Source: Getty Images

The Germans have been hitting the sauerkraut and currywurst hard ahead of the Euros, whereas England on the other hand appear to have been slimming down ahead of the tournament. We wouldn’t go so far as too say that the German national side were overweight… we’re not saying you can’t though – we just supply the data…