Gareth Southgate’s reasons for turning down England are laughable

Rather embarrassing news is coming out of the England footballing world, this morning, with Gareth Southgate – the type of bloke who brings an umbrella to an Ibiza summer party – turning down the vacant Three Lions vacancy.

Southgate, who is currently training up the next crop of England internationals for the embarrassing exit to Kosovo at the 2022 World Cup in Qatar, has revealed the reasons why he wouldn’t take the Three Lions gig:

 “Look, I’m no fool; I once signed Jason Euell for £300,000, so I clearly know what I’m doing.

“But there’s no way I’m going to takeover from the owl. That’s like being the last, last resort in a club at 3am, after the guy’s previous ‘last resort’ had turned him down two minutes earlier.

“Also, why would I jump for the Three Lions job when it’s very likely that the Spain job will be available soon?!

“I’ve grown up playing the tick-tock football that Spain play; I’d be the perfect replacement for, oh I can’t remember his name, the guy with moustache.”

Gareth Southgate

After the embarrassment of Southgate turning down the England job passes, the Football Association will pick up their search for Hodgson’s replacement, again. And it’s reported that Noel Edmonds, Trevor McDonald and David Cameron are top of the list.