Barcelona’s Messi statement contained a hidden message

98.5% of people who are sentenced to a jail term of under two years in Spain, do not go to jail if it is their first offence. Therefore, it is wrong to suggest that Lionel Messi received preferential treatment. However, if you were to suggest that the Barcelona man was only sentenced to 21 months due to who he is, then, well, we won’t be arguing with you.

Following the news of Lionel Messi’s ability to dodge jail cells almost as well as he evades La Liga defenders, Barcelona released a short statement over the news of their star man.

“Wow. Fuck me. That was close.

“We are lucky that the Spanish legal system is as ridiculous as one of Cristiano Ronaldo’s tantrums when he doesn’t receive the ball.

“Got to be honest, we knew Messi was up to no good but what are we going to do? Sell him? Drop him? Yeah, that ain’t gonna happen.

“We’d rather stop pissing you all off with our buy-back clauses, than annoy Lionel.

“Going forward, we will try and keep an eye on Messi and make sure he pays his taxes. However, if he doesn’t, well, we won’t be saying anything to him. Basically, if Messi asked to sleep with anyone involved with Barcelona’s wife, then we’d just ask him whether he wanted to come to ours or should we drop her round to his house.”