Former teen heartthrob and international stomach-churner, Justin Bieber, is set to attract a new crowd of fans this March with the recent announcement of a ‘Goal!’ sequel, featuring Real Madrid’s Cristiano Ronaldo and the Canadian singer himself. But do we really need another Hollywood blockbuster to cheaply fuel our footballing addictions?
There’s rumours that there will be a ‘Goal’ remake, starring Cristiano Ronaldo and Justin Bieber.
That’s a sh*te load of ego in one film.
— Coral (@Coral) August 20, 2016
The film will see the pair of professional metrosexuals come face-to-face in an ironic and well-worn ‘rags-to-riches’ story whereby professional singer (and apparently actor, footballer and impoverished youth) Justin Beiber will rise through the ranks overnight when discovered by Spanish giants Real Madrid. As an added bonus, fans will be treated to a cameo from rent an action-man, Clint Eastwood, who will feature as Bieber’s grandfather. Dirty Harry would not approve.
— Graham Oliver (@hawksmoorchurch) 13 April 2016
But after three ‘Goal!’ films and numerous spin-offs already, is it necessary for another one? Are football fans really so desperate to see a ball flying through the air that Match of the Day no longer suffices? Must we be subjected to yet more Rocky-esque stories in which an understudy struggles through adversity to achieve stardom? And for the love of God do we need to be shown JB can play football whilst maintaining an impeccable barnet? Again? I mean we know that already…
The problem is in all that these films attempt to epitomise, the entire premise behind them is undermined by the flawless stars they promote. The chiseled three icons in this film have a combined net worth of $735 million. That’s exactly seven Paul Pogba’s to you and me. This is a far-cry from the gritty characters they desire to depict in order to reflect the working man’s game. But what really doesn’t help their cause is the unashamed recognition that films like these are produced solely to eke out money from those aspiring to be like their millionaire role-models.
“(This) could be one of the biggest films of 2017 if all of his (JB’s) fans and the fans of Ronaldo go to the cinema.”
Source from The Mirror
It’s quotes like these that ought to be applying salt to the gaping wounds of football fans across the world. As if we’re not being charged enough to watch the actual game, we’re also walking-talking wallets, waiting to be manipulated by those creating a franchise through football films. And yet you have to ask how many of us will still sit, gaping as avid Beliebers, willing the popstar on to success at the Bernabeu? It’s staggering that, even with such a blatant display of consuming for the sake of consumption – and production for the sake of profit, we still go in our hoards to watch the formulaic and derogatory crap that humiliates our beloved sport.
Six years ago Justin Bieber was telling ‘OK!’ how he kept his hair in such a luscious mop before singing about his dearly beloved as his auto-tuned voice began to break. Now, he’s being presented as a genuine candidate to embody the spirit of the beautiful game. The beautiful game that should be many miles away from such superficial and plastic trash. Is that a reflection of the modern game as a whole? I think probably. Either way, the whole idea is such an insult it’s not even appropriate to drop a Bieber pun anymore. Nothing to do with ‘sorry’ or even loving yourselves I’m afraid. And as for baby, baby, baby? Certainly not …
One final outrage, however, is that the release date for this supposed ‘Goal!’ sequel is Christmas day 2017. So time’s running out, Die Hard, they’ve found another cash cow. And we’ll no doubt love it.