Clint Dempsey Sidelined Indefinitely With Life Threatening Medical Problem

In a scary and unforeseen turn of events, Seattle Sounders and United States men’s national team star Clint Dempsey has been sidelined indefinitely with an irregular heartbeat. He will miss at least two World Cup qualifiers and the most important Sounders-Timbers rivalry game in memory.

A statement from the Seattle Sounders reads,

Seattle Sounders FC today announced that forward Clint Dempsey is undergoing medical evaluations for an irregular heartbeat. As a result of this health concern, Dempsey is unable to compete for Seattle in Sunday’s match against the Portland Timbers. As the medical process unfolds and information is gathered internally, no other details are being made publicly available at this time.

After a slow start to the season, Dempsey has exploded with five goals in his last three games and six goals in his last six games.

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As a lifelong Sounders fan (since Bernie James was a player-coach in ’94) with a strong distaste for the entire city of Portland, I want Dempsey to be on the field. I need Dempsey to be on the field.

But you can’t fuck around with heart problems.

Can’t have Clint dying out there on the field.

Luckily, the qualifiers he’ll miss against St. Vincent and the Grenadines and Trinidad and Tobago are gimmies. 

He’s the personification of U.S. soccer, a segue between the Landon Donovan/Bruce Arena/Bob Bradley era and the Klinsmann era.

He’s a symbol and a man, like Christian Bale about an hour into Batman Begins.

So Clint, as long as it takes, get well. We’re all thinkin’ good thoughts for you.

Peace and love, brother. We’ll see you back out there in no time.