3 Reasons Why Lord Bendtner Needs To Move Stateside

Over the years, Nicklas Bendtner has been the butt of many jokes and the inspiration behind countless memes that have since compared the Danish striker to the all-time greats.

Bendtner has struggled to find much success in club football. His lack of ability, consistency, and inability to stay out of the press really put a damper on what was supposed to be a promising career as the understudy of Robin Van Persie.

That really worked out.

The lack of production allowed the striker to seek greener pastures at Wolfsburg in the Bundesliga, but not showing up to practice usually will get you cut and sent back to Denmark.

With Bendtner now unemployed, I believe it is time for a move to ‘Merica.

3 reasons why the Dane needs to bring his skill or lack thereof to the MLS:

 
 

1. He brings royal blood to the states

Being dubbed Lord Bendtner by meme accounts everywhere, he now maintains royal status relative to the rest of the peasants of world football.

His arrival would offset the potential presidential appointment of Donald Trump, reduce the poverty rate, and actually make America great again.

The quality of life would simply improve with Lord Bendtner in America.

Why would we want to jeopardize the fate of our nation? Bring him to the MLS.

2. He’s the next best option to Zlatan

Before Zlatan became the God of Manchester, there was a very slim chance that the legendary Swede could sign for an MLS side and become the best player in MLS history in a season. Instead, he chooses better football over the retirement league.

Wise choice.

Niklas Bendtner can provide that high profile status of Zlatan without the skill.

It is a rather steep drop off from the Swedish journeyman striker, but there’s only one Zlatan and Bendtner is the only other Scandinavian option unfortunately.

3. The Chicago Fire need anything at this point

The Fire has failed to sign any big name that has come into the league because they are a shit side. Being able to sign a name like Bendtner will sell jerseys, even if he fails to perform on the field like his stint at Wolfsburg.

The Lord is a god among men and the presence of the legend in the side would make Chicago interested in football again and maybe sell out a game or two.

Lord Bendtner is (hopefully) coming.