Man United’s Latest Stunt Is The Height Of Absurdity

Being a good Arsenal fan, I love to hate Manchester United. I don’t hate them nearly as much as that shit team that plays at White Hart Lane, but United is so easy to hate.

Most of my hatred comes from a very petty place as United has had a tendency to be very successful in the world of English football and the Gunners have rarely left our post for 4th place since the 2003/04 Premier League season.

Finally, the Red Devils have given me something of substance to hate about other than the shit called ‘Fergie Time’.

The new Premier League TV deal, their Adidas kit deal, and Chevrolet sponsorship have the red half of Manchester quite literally rolling in dough, so much so that they can spend £89 million on Paul Pogba and make it back within a few weeks in jersey sales.

After each match, footballers usually exchange jerseys as a sign of respect, but Manchester United has looked to squash that in the name of saving money.

Excuse me?

Last year, United had record revenues in part to the Adidas mega-deal, but they can’t spare pennies in order to allow their players to exchange jerseys after matches!?

What are the players supposed to say?

Hey, sorry mate, can’t exchange jerseys today, but you can find mine online or in the club store near the statue of the United Trinity. Can’t miss it!

It’s maybe a hundred quid for a shirt and there are plenty of ways to cut costs and budget your massive amounts of money, United. This stunt is just making you look real twatish.

Trying selling some players that aren’t getting any minutes like Memphis Depay at £90,000 a week, Bastian Schweinsteiger at £200,000 a week, or Ashley Young at over £110,000.

You want to save money, United? Look no further than your wage books and see how much you’re wasting. Exchanging jerseys and the respect of football can be saved.

Bah Humbug.