Who is Gareth Southgate sleeping with at the English FA?

The recent English scandal saw manager Sam Allardyce lose his job just 67 days after being appointed to the position and fucking Sunderland over via David Moyes. Gareth Southgate, a former English international and part-time twat according to Roy Keane, has been appointed to the interim post until a shittier alternative can be found. 

Southgate getting the job for two months is not all that surprising as he is the U-21 England manager, but what is absolutely ridiculous is the pay he’ll be collecting at the end of the interim stint.

For three World Cup qualifiers against Slovenia, Scotland, and wooden spoon Malta and an international friendly against a reeling Spain side, Southgate will be earning £500,000.

What the actual fuck.

He’s collecting money for doing absolutely and doing it with the expectation to not achieve a damn thing.

For fuck’s sake, he tried calling up Glen Johnson to the national team. Stoke has allowed teams to walk all over their back line this season, I can’t comprehend what good it would do to put a 32-year-old Liverpool reject into the squad.

But I wouldn’t mind being in Southgate’s shoes. He is living the dream; doubling his earnings for the year in just two months.

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If I were the FA, I wouldn’t double his damn salary. He gets to put England interim manager on his coaching CV and he would simply be doing a service to his country.

I mean who really gives a damn about God Save the Queen, but it would save the English FA some money in the short term.

England captain and Manchester United benchwarmer, Shrek Wayne Rooney, is excited about still being able to play for the national team. If they would have hired anyone with any sort of a brain, he would be sitting on the bench watching England win, just like he does for United.

Gareth Southgate will be sufficient for England in their four games, go back to his post as U-21 manager, and then look to fill in again when England selects another manager and that project fails.