Ex-Premier League ref reveals hilarious sex story

Mark Halsey must be seriously bored in retirement. First and foremost, the former referee tried to take down the FA, and consequently made an even poorer attempt than the Telegraph to prove there is corruption within the Premier League.

And, now, the 55-year-old has gone one-step further, by revealing how he got a ‘handy/lager-shandy/Thomas the Tank/Beat the Bishop’, whilst working as a cabby before his refereeing days ?.

Sadly for Mark, the referee didn’t get to blow full-time on the event…

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In an interview with Magic Sponge, Halsey exchanged a shit load of banter with Jimmy Bullard – shock – and told the tale of how #Handjob gate came about one Christmas Eve.

“They got in [three women], put the belts on and I’m driving away, then all of a sudden she put her hands on me and started rubbing where she shouldn’t have done.

‘Carry on’, I thought, so we’re driving along, and I’m getting bigger and bigger and bigger, but then the journey comes to an end.”

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You could not write that. ‘Im getting bigger and bigger’, it’s as if the act is some form of magic trick. The former ref revealed how he then got a firm yellow card from the then-other half…

“She [said lady on night out] wanted me to come back later on.

But I didn’t because the wife phoned up and wanted to know where I was.”

Mark Halsey

Well, how good of you, Marky lad.

Fortunately Mr Halsey left the refereeing circuit before the white spray was introduced. The poor bloke probably wouldn’t have been taken seriously by the players.

You can just see it now…

“Don’t spray your gear everywhere, ref”.

“You’re good at making your mark, aren’t you ref”.

“Hope you’ve got enough spray left in the tank, Mark”.

(Most Premier League players, with half an inch of humour)