ISIS are targeting Manchester United fans

If you entered this article about Manchester United and ISIS, thinking you’d be about to read a story on how Jose Mourinho has taken over as leader of the organisation, you’re in the majority – it really is true, that delusional morons stick together.

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For now, Mourinho hasn’t left Old Trafford, and remains in charge of the sinking ship that is Manchester United. However, his desire to cling on to a world-class status that has long deserted him, may see him turn to ISIS, as they continue to try and find some sort of relevance/respect in the Middle East – and then presumably the world.

Like Jose, ISIS are incredibly petty – you always imagine Mourinho would be the guy who sits in his car, whilst you wait to take his parking spot, until you’ve finally grown impatient and driven away – and the latest in the group being absolute fucktards, they’ve opted for this:

Punishment for being caught wearing a Manchester United top – or any gear made by Adidas and Nike – is 80 lashes. And if you gave anyone the chance to painfully watch a game bypass Paul Pogba or 90 minutes of Jesse Lingard pretending he isn’t completely out of his depth, I think we’d all take the 80 lashes.

Thankfully for West Ham fans, their kits are made by Umbro, but if they ever do make the swap to Adidas or Nike, you have to worry what ISIS would do to them. Maybe they’d be forced to watch every single minute of Mark Noble’s Hammers career *shudders*…perish the thought.