Seven footballers to join Wayne Bridge in the I’m A Celeb jungle

Come one, come all, as the only reality television show worth watching, I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here, is back on our television screens. The premise of throwing a bunch of washed up cockwombles into the Australian jungle is fascinating, and there some footballers that would provide great entertainment on the show.

By great entertainment, the true meaning behind that is, of course, endless mocking and laughter. This bunch of pricks would leave the nation crying tears of joy at the sheer sight of their inability to swallow a kangaroo’s bollock.

Robbie Savage

What a twat. Given that his punditry is about as fun as watching a barn full of puppies getting set on fire, this would be a delightful change of environment for Savage. He’d probably spend his time acting the big man, before being faced with a task and having to run away faster than he ever did throughout his entire career.

Sergio Busquets

Leave him there. Honestly, leave him there. After all of the rolling around, play acting and pathetic antics, Sergio Busquets belongs in the wilderness.

Ashley Young

If nothing else, Ashley would be fantastic at the water-based challenges given his vast experience in the diving department. If he were to catch the eye of a huntsman spider the Englishman would be able to jump away from danger quicker than you could say “huge flop”.

Tom Ince

Given that Tom Ince walks around looking like his shit don’t stink, it would be fantastic to see the son of Paul, get shat on in the jungle. The youngster clearly thinks he’s too good for the Championship, so why not provide him with a big fat reality check in the form of a few weeks in the jungle.

Adnan Januzaj

Adnan is like a delicate flower that would probably fall down courtesy of a small gust of wind from a butterfly’s flutter. The public would likely nominate the Belgian for every task within the first week, and he’d complete around three or four of them. It would be such a beautiful disaster.

Cristiano Ronaldo

This one doesn’t really need any explaining. “WHERE ARE MY SHITTING HAIR PRODUCTS, ASHLEY? I JUST SAW YOU LOOK AT MY HAIR, YOU CRETIN”. The meltdowns alone would be phenomenal and there is every possibility we would see the complete destruction of CR7. Shame.

Luis Suarez

Given his tendencies to behave like an animal, the Uruguayan may settle into life in the jungle. Perhaps he may turn into the new Tarzan and start walking on all fours – you’d fear for the other contestants, though, if they didn’t collect enough stars, and starvation kicked in…