England hoping to avoid missing out on another ‘Bale’ and ‘Giggs’

The generation that grew up watching Bobby Moore lift the World Cup, played alongside Terry Butcher with a bloodied bandage upon on his head and now watch Dele Alli diving for a living, can be found beating their chests, screaming: “God save the Queen” and then moaning about players not understanding the pride of playing for England, anymore – presumably they slam down their flagon of ale, and order a ‘wench’ in the process.

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With every passing international break, that forces us to attend family events due to no domestic action, the resentment and boredom for international football grows tenfold. Watching the games, through an obsessive need for some 90 minutes action, is the equivalent of pretending to be shocked and overwhelmed by your nan getting you a Lynx Africa set for the 19th year in a row.

Perhaps, if the Three Lions had a few more exciting players over the last decade or so, such as Gareth Bale and Ryan Giggs – the Welsh pair were able to play for England but the lure of playing with the likes of Ugo Ehiogu, Darius Vassell and Scott Carson wasn’t enough to tempt the then-Manchester United and Tottenham Hotspur players to ditch the Welsh dragon – then the interest in Sven’s, Fabio’s and Roy’s bumbling idiots would’ve been greater.

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It appears that Gareth Southgate is keen to not make the mistakes of former Three Lions managers – failed that already, though, as he’s still as dull as the rest of them; he is blatantly the sort of bloke who asks for something sensible in Secret Santa, telling others to not waste their money on penis-shaped pasta – and ol’ Gazza S is looking to pinch Liverpool’s, Ben Woodburn, from the Welsh.

Woodburn, who is tipped by many on Anfield to win the Ballon d’Or, The Great British Bake Off and solve world peace, has represented Wales at every age group from 14-19s. Therefore, the Reds midfielder’s ties with the Welsh will be hard to break. However, it’s amazing what one phone call from the charismatic Southgate could do…

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