Christmas parties can go one way or the other: ‘ah crap, I really shouldn’t have tried it on with that girl‘, or, ‘absolutely spot on, I bloody love all my work colleagues, here’s to a great company’. Cue 2017, oh bollocks, back here again.
Regardless, they’re usually a top affair and a good excuse to show your work pals you’re not just boring Dave from accounts. Speaking of boring, footballers are hardly the sort of blokes you’d have on speed dial for a ‘Gary Player’ all dayer session; they’re usually pretty mundane, pretty uninspiring, and you’d generally leave a lot of them with your missus.
Still, sometimes even the boring athletes of this world can let their hair down; and some of the stories that have come out from football camps are absolutely shocking…
Robbie Keane, Tottenham
Keano, Keano. One Christmas the Tottenham skipper was a bit too 'Robbie' to head out. He allegedly organised a £2,000 buy-in for each of the Spurs lads for a Dublin piss up. They were all later fined by Harry Redknapp £20,000 each, which went straight to Rosie the dog, no doubt.
Jamie Carragher, Liverpool
Probably not first on the list for a stag do, but back in '98, Carragher was dressed as the Hunchback of Notre Dame, sharing whipped cream with some strippers. Meanwhile, Michael Owen was probably busy tossing himself off in the corner.
Robbie Fowler, Leeds
No, Fowler wasn't sniffing the Christmas snow as he was during *that* celebration at Liverpool. Instead, when at Leeds, Robbie ended up in a cell following a fight with a cameraman.
Dennis Wise, Leicester City
Genuinely the last person you'd want to spend Christmas with. Still, gave Robbie Savage a sex toy on a teddy bear, saying "Take this, because you're the only p***k in a Leicester shirt at the moment." Cue bust-up between two of football's biggest doughnuts.
Joey Barton, Manchester City
Nooo?! Barton involved in a tussle? Poor old, youth Manchester City prospect, Jamie Tandy, had Barton stubbing out a cigar in the player's eye. Barton claimed it was an accident, as the 18-year-old turned around... "I grabbed Danny Mills’ cigar that was in it the ashtray and went to stub it out on the back of his neck." Can we use this against Danny to stop him appearing on our television?
Trevor Sinclair, West Ham
Bit of a prat, and how the bloke's got a gig on the BBC is a mystery to us all. Was charged for criminal damage when out on a West Ham Christmas party with a 19-year-old lady. These players take a Christmas bash far too fuckin' literally.
Neil Lennon, Celtic
The man who can't let go of the boys in green. Was caught up with three other Celtic players on a Christmas party in Newcastle, who all ended up being nicked by the fuzz. Allegedly Lennon managed to swerve charges but the others didn't, always knew he was a bloody snake.
Some surprising, and not so surprising tales. There’s a fine line between having the liabilities around on a night out; they could either be bloody entertaining, or end getting you in a right pickle. Just ask, Joey Barton, the bloke is a bloody professional at it.