FIFA’s corruption is beyond the point of believable

BREAKING NEWS: FIFA are still as corrupt an organisation as they ever were.

Whilst we’re at it, yes, water is still wet and the Pope is, in fact, very much a Catholic.

Moving on, then.

If you’re as unsurprised by the above as we are, then something incredible is happening.

FIFA are becoming world renowned for one thing, and one thing only.

No, not running the world’s most popular sport internationally. That would be far too mainstream. Instead what FIFA are known for is their unrivaled levels of corruption.

Which is quite the damning indictment for the game we all know and love.

Take, for example, FIFA’s latest – self acknowledged – tidbit of corruption. You almost won’t believe it.

In a report leaked this week by the German newspaper, Bild, it was revealed that a £2million payment was made to secure the successful Qatari bid for the World Cup. Nothing too suspicious there, we suppose.

Only the recipient of all that cash wasn’t the sort of delegate or ambassador you’d think it would be. No. Instead it was a ten-year-old girl. Said ten-year-old girl was the daughter of one of the men who would come to vote on who should host the next World Cup.

We’ll leave the rest for you to work out.

But there’s more. The leaked report was a 422-page investigation – ironically by FIFA’s¬†‘chief ethics investigator’ – that detailed the events surrounding the vote in 2010. It also included details of a private jet that took chief FIFA executives¬†out to party in Rio, a supposed ‘bribery friendly’ and David Cameron trying to ‘swap votes’ with South Korea.

In case you’re wondering, that’s not legal, Dave. But nor is avoiding ¬£32,000 in tax.

Anyway, let’s keep the focus on FIFA.

Or, in fact, let’s not. Because no one really does that, do they?

No one seems to care anymore about FIFA’s blatant and unashamed levels of corruption. Hell, they even published this report once it had been leaked themselves. They get away with that bloody much.

When did we stop giving a damn that the world governing body of our sport is more corrupt than the Vatican on steroids? It’s there for all to see: they couldn’t care less about this game and they’ll do anything to soil it.

This is what they have to say (among other bureaucratic¬†things) on the matter…

For the sake of transparency, FIFA welcomes the news that this report has now been finally published.

For the sake of transparency, it was FIFA that stopped the report finally being published in the first place. They released a convenient 42-page section of the 422 total pages compiled. That’s one-tenth. Or, in other words, enough to cover up the dirty stuff.

So, for the sake of transparency, we’ve translated their platitudinal crap into an honest statement.

FIFA are kicking themselves that this report has been published because it shows us up as the bent, leeching megalomaniacs that we are and the desperate lengths our members will go to to get rich quick. We’re now going to smear its release as ‘illegal’ and pour millions into the pockets of lawyers who are far clever than you common folk. So, go and watch the game like good little fans. Just forget this all happened.

Sadly, although we can all see through the fabricated statements and finger-pointing, still none of us will really care.

None of us are ever shocked by FIFA’s corruption and nothing ever seems to get done about it.

Perhaps their new tactic for avoiding criticism is to make their corruption unbelievable, to the point of amusing, so that people are too busy taking the mick to actually keep caring.

¬£2million to a young child’s bank account. Who even has a bank account at the age of ten? What was she going to buy with that, other than two million packets of Haribo, or some Match Attax and Barbie¬†paraphernalia?

Every headline gets sillier and sillier. What next?

FIFA delegate become legal owner of Gibraltar as England bids for the World Cup.

Jurassic Park promised as a warm-up act if Iran gets the vote. FIFA to consider.

Sepp Blatter accepted lifetime supply of Viagra to ‘consider the Dutch’.

Whatever. No one would care either way.

We still get our football fix and, apparently, that’s all that matters anyway.

Perhaps we’re fighting a losing battle here but, come on, FIFA are¬†as corrupt as they come and it’s directly tarnishing football as a sport.

And, sadly, all the leading governments of the world who are facilitating this.

Does no one at the top care for the people or game they represent anymore?

So much for the working man’s game, football is fast becoming a mug’s game thanks to those who run it. And there’s sod all for us to do but laugh about the bloody minted ten year old. Yay.