This story highlights everything that is wrong with the PGA TOUR

Paul Goydos, of nearly winning The Players Championship and having the shortest, thickest neck in human history fame, also has a short temper.

“I speak in four-letter words,” Goydos told Erik Anders Lang from Skratch TV, the PGA Tour’s desperate attempt to cater to millennials.

“I got fined by PGA Tour Travel for leaving a message on their answering machine that was less kosher than it should have been,” Goydos said.

What?! That’s crazy. Screw you tour!

Now before you have the reaction above and rake Finchem and Friends over the coals, note two things.

  1. Paul Goydos is a dick
  2. He deserved it

Seriously. It’s not a humorous anecdote. It’s a tale of a privileged douchebag who 30 years ago would have had to give lessons as a country club to support his efforts on tour bitching about (what we can assume to be) a concierge service offered by the PGA Tour to coordinate travel for its precious snowflakes.

The human toad that is Paul Goydos tells the tale in question around the 4:40 mark.

Book your own damn flight, Paul!

By the way: The scruffy hipster conducting the interview? He’s married to chanteuse Sia. Really.

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Other thoughts:

-Thank goodness Goydos got his TaylorMade visor in the video

-What in god’s name is that set?

-The truest thing Goydos said in unintended ways: “Dustin Johnson is the epitome of ‘chicks dig the longball.’”