There’s golf slasher movie starring John Rocker and it’s so bad it’s good

Boredom Spieth
Boredom Spieth
Boredom Spieth
Contributor

Tipping the IMDB scales with a rating of 2.9 out of 10 stars, it’s the 2002 genre-creating golf slasher masterpiece, The Greenskeeper.

Starring everyone’s favorite neo-Nazi/MLB pitcher, John Rocker, IMDB outlines the Shakespearean brilliance of the plot like so:

“Assistant greenskeeper invites friends for a country club birthday party. A killer dressed as a greenskeeper crashes the party and kills people with golf tools.”

Yes. More of this please.

And as Golf Digest’s Alex Myers’ pointed out, Rocker was still an MLB pitcher when this movie was made. This was long before the lumbering bear of a man appeared on Survivor in all his glory (2014).

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It’s no secret that horndog Myers, whose forehead looks like a viking war helmet and face should never come with 100 yards of a television camera, isn’t one of old Boredom’s favorites. But you have to give the man his due for this summary of The Greenskeeper. And out of respect for the chain restaurant aficionado, I’ll quote at length:

“There’s an aspiring screenwriter, Allen, who works as an assistant greenskeeper at his family-owned golf club. But before he inherits the club on his 25th birthday, his evil uncle decides to kill him so he can take over. Instead of just killing Allen, though, he goes on a killing spree so the motive won’t be obvious. “Besides,” he says, “less members makes it easier to get a good tee time.” Fair point.

John Crocker

“The uncle pins all the murders on “The Greenskeeper” (Rocker), who is actually Allen’s mutilated dad, long thought to be dead, but who has been living in a shack in the woods. This required quite a makeup job. Of course, the evil uncle’s plan gets spoiled in the end and he winds up being decapitated by a lawnmower blade.”

Woo pig sooie! Move the f over Francis Ford Coppola! This movie is a damn masterpiece on par with the 1999 Sports Illustrated article that essentially ended Rocker’s career.

And lucky for you, the full movie is available (probably not legally) on YouTube.

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