SMH: Week 1’s QB Starters Are All You Need To Admit Colin Kaepernick Deserves A Job

It’s been months since Colin Kaepernick last had a job as an entire offseason has officially come and gone, and we’ve seen pretty much every argument known to man exhausted on why he still isn’t employed. Some think his protest doesn’t have a place in the NFL, as he’s clearly started a movement that has gone way beyond just himself. Others think the media attention is something teams simply don’t need, as he’s the most talked about man in the NFL even though it looks like the closest he’ll get to the field is through the NFL Sunday Ticket.

Some even went far enough to say his hair is the issue. Then, there are those wearing the thickest blindfold of all who claim he simply isn’t good enough to play in the league. You can spend a lifetime arguing the issue from either side, or you can find the answer of how he deserves to be in the league by simply looking at some of the quarterbacks who are starting Week 1.

People today get caught between two different ideologies; “seeing is believing”, and “taking someone’s word for it.” One side wants proof of an argument and won’t believe anything otherwise until they see it with their own eyes. The other takes the Tommy Callahan approach from Chris Farley’s “Tommy Boy,” where you can get a pretty good look at a T-Bone steak by sticking your head up a bull’s ass, but you’d rather take the butcher’s word for it, also known as Roger Goodell when it comes to Colin Kaepernick.

No matter which side you’re on, there is now finally a way to satisfy both parties. At this point, it’s almost impossible to convince someone who’s still against Kaepernick that he’s good enough to be in the NFL. People who are against the man are so deeply entrenched in the argument that you’d have a better chance convincing Jon Bones Jones that what he’s lining up to snort is actually just baby powder. It would take a miracle to somehow persuade someone otherwise. That miracle takes shape in the form of the band of misfits that call themselves starting quarterbacks in the NFL as of this Sunday.

There it is. That’s the suicide squad teams are rolling out there this Sunday. That’s liking looking at the roster of the movie “Little Giants” except that’s a movie about 10-year-olds who don’t know how to play football, and these are professionals.

Granted, Nathan Peterman actually isn’t starting because Tyrod Taylor was cleared to play, but don’t you worry. Somewhere, Brian Hoyer is suiting up to start as a quarterback for a real NFL franchise. That makes a grand total of six awful quarterbacks who are starting a game while Kap sits at a local Buffalo Wild Wings to catch every game, and you can make an easy argument that he’s better than every single one of them.

The only player you can really make an argument for is Jared Goff. Sure, he was clearly not even close to as good as Colin Kaepernick last year and looked truly awful leading the Rams’ offense once he got the nod, but now that the team decided to start him last year, you can’t go back. That’s just not how you treat the future face of your franchise who was the No. 1 overall pick just a year ago, even if Kap gives them a better chance of winning.

Tom “Savage Garden” Savage is one quarterback who’s one of the bigger surprises considering many thought DeShaun Watson would be starting Week 1, but he outplayed him during camp and earned his role. That still doesn’t mean he deserves the spot over Kaepernick. In fact, he shouldn’t have even gotten the chance to start if the Texans were going to go this route.

Tom “21” Savage is nothing but a place holder at this point, as Watson is clearly the QB of the future. Why not start a player who not only proved last season he was a quality quarterback, but has a proven history of leading a team deep into the playoffs when he has talent around him? Kap put up a 4/1 TD to Interception ratio last season and that was with Jeremy Kerley as his best-receiving option, who just got cut by the 49ers. The best thing Savage can offer is that he looks like the illegitimate son of Nicholas Cage.

“Macho Man” Tom Savage may have better nicknames and a dad who stole the Declaration of Independence, but his zero career touchdowns don’t exactly inspire confidence.

Speaking of quarterbacks who are currently just being used as place holders, Josh McCown is in a weird spot where that could be considered his position. While both young guns behind him in Christian Hackenberg and Bryce Petty are bad, they’re still young enough where they can give the illusion of being the future. Yet still, McCown is the one leading Gang Green into the season and is clearly not as good as Kaepernick.

All his stats are just flat out worse. The Jets are also the one team that can’t even use the whole “media attention” excuse as a reason not to sign him. This team already has all the eyes of the New York media on them as the biggest walking sh-t show in New York. A simple excuse is that Jets are truly trying to become the first team to actually tank in the NFL, and Kaepernick would give them a better chance of squeaking out some wins.

At least the Jets are committing to being bad. The Jaguars, on the other hand, are in a “quarterback competition” in Jacksonville, which is an insult to what a competition actually is. Instead of having a capable quarterback at the helm, the Jaguars seem content with staying as the laughing stock of the NFL.

News flash Dougie, he’s not on your roster. Between Blake Bortles and Chad Henne, neither quarterback has ever done anything but prove that they have no business starting as a quarterback on any team in football. Bortles is so bad that he’s actually better at scoring for the defense than winning games. That is borderline IMPOSSIBLE to do, but the man has a knack for making all horrific feats possible

Henne is nothing but a long-time backup who has never taken the next step because he simply isn’t good enough, just like Scott Tolzien in Indy. The Colts are currently getting ready to play Week 1 where their best player Andrew Luck is sitting on the sidelines, yet instead of getting a quality backup who can come in to win games when he can’t suit up, the Colts are instead going with the winless Tolzien who has thrown seven interceptions to just two touchdowns over his three NFL starts. It’s not even a fact that he “fits the mold” either. Starting Tolzien and claiming he fits the offensive scheme of the Colts is like trying to fit a cement cinder block into a coffee mug. It’s just not gonna happen.

At least the Colts have a light and the end of the tunnel with their issue. The 49ers are locked in with no young talent coming anytime soon, and Brian Hoyer sitting at the helm. It’s a complete joke that Kaepernick didn’t get a chance to play quarterback for this team once again, but at least we get to dust off “The Ballad Of Brian Hoyer” on YouTube now.

That’s the point we’ve gotten to. Claiming quarterbacks are better because of their non-existent fit into the scheme, their YouTube search history, or the fact that their dad stopped John Malkovich from freeing a bunch of convicts on “Con Air.” These quarterbacks aren’t good enough to start. They’re just punchlines. While all the jokes may be funny, the fact that they’re not only employed, but starting in the NFL over Kaepernick is a punchline that just hasn’t landed yet.