BREAKING! Uber have lost their license in London. Say goodbye to the saviours of the night at 3am as you try and make your way home; armed with a phone on 2% battery in one hand, and a half-eaten McDonalds chicken legend in the other, the night-watchmen that is the uber drivers have certainly saved many a lost soul on a Saturday night.
From the 30th of September, forget the ease of ordering a taxi with the simple tap of a button on your phone; it’s finished. Late night tubes – when they’re open – and the bank-busting black cabs are now the order of the day.
Black cab drivers discussing the price hikes with each other since the uber news pic.twitter.com/a34vMbx9Ph
— Jack Falstaff (@MrGrifty) September 22, 2017
A handy feature on the UberApp – RIP2K17 – was the company’s development of UberPool. The idea of it seems odd at face value; you’re there, sharing a cab with a total stranger, making small talk to fill the silence; hey ho, at least you save yourself a few quid.
However, the silence can be unbearable, and the thought of some journeys between footballers who do not see eye-to-eye would be hilarious for any Uber driver looking for some evening entertainment…
Neymar and Edinson Cavani
What is happening at the Parc des Princes is a genuine circus act. Egos and self-obsession clashing to the point that PSG’s biggest stars are now unfollowing each other on Instagram.
17th Sep: Cavani refuses to let Neymar take a pen ❌
18 Sep: Neymar unfollows Cavani on Instagram 👋
— UK Football Trials (@UKFootballTrial) September 18, 2017
The thought of these two sharing a cab with Dani Alves in the boot trying to pay Neymar’s fare would probably be the most awkward cab drive currently in football.
Joe Hart and Pep Guardiola
PG: “Sooooo, how was Italy?”
JH: “Yeah, good”
PG: “All settled in east London?…”
Joe Hart has conceded 10 goals in 3 games meaning, statistically speaking, a large block of swiss cheese could have a better record. pic.twitter.com/xJeQj6qoSy
— Paddy Power (@paddypower) September 11, 2017
Diego Costa and Antonio Conte
Silence, pure silence… apart from the text messages being received to Costa’s phone wishing him a miserable time back in the Spanish capital.
Wayne Bridge and John Terry
The English language wrote the phrase ‘a picture tells a thousand words’ for this image…
— Gaz (@gazfae6) May 7, 2014
There we have it, no more awkward UberPools, or the late night rescuing from London’s unspoken heroes. It’s back to the old days, and if we all thought London couldn’t get more expensive, it just has.
RIPUber, RIPBank Accounts.