Kids nowadays are sending snapchats before speaking their first word, filming their first ever Boomerang before learning to walk and becoming Instagram famous before starting school.
They’ve got it easy, and have no idea the struggles of sitting at the back of the school bus, sitting next to someone with a Sony Ericsson Walkman w810i phone, blaring out Akon’s latest ‘banger’ on repeat – whilst discussing the new order of their ‘top 10’ Myspace friends.
I remember when everyone had a Sony Ericsson Walkman phone and everyone used to send each other Akon songs.
— JACK (@_aleri0n) June 8, 2012
Mobile phones, nowadays, get a lot of bad press, with the anti-social millennial tag a hard one to shift – newsflash, grandma, you’re just really boring, and no, no one drinks prune juice – but without this social media app age, how else would you be able to know when to send an insincere ‘Happy Birthday’ message to a ‘friend’?
Certainly wouldn’t have known using this lot!
Ironic – and impressive – really, that when Nokia released their first ever mobile phone, in 1998, they had actually invented the closest thing to the most perfect ever mobile phone ever.
It had ‘Snake’.
And every phone from then on should’ve had the annoyingly addictive little critter going around its screen.
Kids would usually obtain this phone via their dad’s place of work, with the 1960s-born father not interested in any of that nonsense – “just a craze; it’ll die down soon.”
Released 17 years ago, Nokia’s pin-up boy of mobile phones sold 126million times, and rumour has it, all 126million batteries are still sitting on 100% – this beauty was indestructible.
It was all anybody needed by their side; a loyal companion, who never judged you for losing your temper with it when your ‘snake’ turned into itself, just two points away from your highest-ever score.
Our prayers have been answered by the mobile phone gods, and this year saw the release of the brand new Nokia 3310 – bit too colourful for our liking.
— Nokia Mobile (@nokiamobile) October 13, 2017
Motorola sold more than 130million units of the Razr V3, and if you’re one of those people, then we cannot be friends.
Sure, its slick design had a futuristic feel to it, and the fact it weighed just 3.3 ounces – the original Nokia weighed the equivalent of a baby elephant – its appeal was understandable.
And then you opened it.
Flip phones lived a very short, and humiliating life – they should’ve come with a ‘I think I’m important sticker’ – but if you were partial to a dramatic flick of your wrist to open your phone, then you would’ve certainly drawn the line at trying to navigate the flat keypad that was, all in all, just a bit weird.
"American Idiot was the ringtone on my motorola razr" is the most millennial thing I've ever said
— Maureen (@themavenn) October 21, 2017
Ahh, the great smartphone race of 2006: Blackberry Pearl versus the iPhone. But sadly for Blackberry, having made their move from pagers to mobile phones, there was only ever going to be one winner – no one wants a QWERTY keyboard on their phone, it’s just too corporate.
Apple and their iPhones reign supreme, whilst the Blackberrys are now confined to a life like Wheezy at the beginning of Toy Story 2.
Nope, you didn’t imagine it. And yep, it was impossible to work out how to turn off.
The MC60 was the beginning of phones *only* having a battery life of up to 48 hours (oh how we’d long for those days again).
This was the type of phone you’d introduce your grandparents to: no fun, no thrills and just did the job – but where’s the fun in that?!
Mobile phones are the focal point of our lives – and for that, there are lots of positives and negatives – but ultimately, if we weren’t able to smash our phones, whilst trying to drunkenly update our Instagram story, we’d be a lot better off.
Bring back the bricks – but don’t bring back 10p-per-text.