The Unexplainable Things About Headphones

You must never leave the house without doing the mandatory four-point pocket check: phone ✅ wallet ✅ keys ✅ headphones ✅.

And although for many, headphones will come fourth in the list of priorities, there, it’s those very people who never had to do the 20-minute walk home with nothing but their thoughts: “Will there ever be a boy born who can swim faster than a shark?”.

Ultimately, though, there’s a few bugaboos – please get the Step Brothers reference – when it comes to our loyal companion, the headphone.

Wireless Ones

They’re the latest craze and despite the fact there is no proof that there is a direct correlation between this point, it’s impossible to not see someone with them and thinking: “w*nker”.

What is it about them? They give off this air of self importance as they strut down the street – it’s basically the new way to show off, just like people did with bluetooth.

The Tangled Mess

Wrap them up nicely, maybe even put them in a case, to fully protect them and to make sure they don’t get all knotted together.

*one second passes*

“What the hell?! How did that even happen?”

It’s easier to complete a rubix cube blindfolded, than it is to untangle headphones.

Certain Positions

They’re on their way out, you know it, but it’s a) effort and b) money to go and get a new pair but you’ve worked out that if lean the wires at a 45 degree angle, with the left earpiece facing exactly 17 degrees the opposite way to the 90 degree-facing right earpiece, then they will work.

Curse the person who accidentally nudges you and brings crashing down the greatest scientific and mathematical accomplishment since Einstein.

Sharing Them

Why do you have to get asked the question? No, we don’t want to exchange earwax with you.

There’s always a certain type of person who asks it, too; the person in the office with no social awareness.

Bring in your bloody own ones! So what if you need to borrow them for work purposes, we’re now unable to fully appreciate this YouTube video of ‘dogs doing the funniest things’ without audio, whilst giving off the vibe we are working hard.

Why are iPhone headphones 500% more expensive?

Go on eBay and you can get identical headphones – in fact, multiple pairs – for the price of one official Apple headphone. Why? They’re both as equally as likely to break or, more accurately, be lost.

So yes, eBay, we will buy an unnecessary amount of headphones from seller, bling-edfones43, instead of paying £10 for a pair of Apple ones.

Can you really go to the gym unless you have Beats?

Genuine question, like can you actually? And can you only post a gym Snapchat if you’ve got a pair of Beats? There seems to be a lot of unwritten rules surrounding being the person who just *has* to let you know there social life means they’ve got no plans apart from the gym.