LEAKED: F1 Driver’s Post-Brazilian GP WhatsApp Chat

This time, Esteban Ocon invites GORDON RAMSAY to the F1 group to deal with Romain Grosjean, who is in denial after a tricky Brazilian Grand Prix. With Sebastian Vettel and Lewis Hamilton unhappy with their inclusion in this week’s chat, and nobody taking responsibility, this COULD be Gordon’s biggest challenge yet.

In the days that followed, Gordon was able to help Romain cook his brakes properly, but several hours after he’d departed, Romain went back to his old ways, making this entertainment piece more about *drumroll* entertainment than reforming quality. Brembo and CI are now £86Gazillion in debt because of the Haas driver.

Other Non-News from the Brazilian Paddock

Bottas’ Brazil performance makes me want to say something obtuse – Villeneuve

Former F1 Champion, late-90s bleach advocate and agitation entity Jacques Villeneuve has expressed to the racing world that he’s going to say something audaciously over-the-top about Valtteri Bottas’ performance this weekend in Brazil, but isn’t quite sure how to express it yet. Villeneuve exclusively told us that,

“I’ve been boiling with anger inside all weekend. This paddock, the race drivers, the sport, I obviously hate it all now that I’m viewing it from a bitter retrospect, and I’ve been trying to put my finger on what the boiling point is going to be for me this weekend. I think it has something to do with Bottas, nobody has been angry enough with him and he’s been given a bit of a free pass so far this season. I’m going rectify that by saying something really over the top, probably HERE.”

– Villeneuve

Following the interview, Villeneuve was seen in the post-race paddock deliberately spilling Mercedes personnel’s drinks, sending inappropriate text messages to Ted Kravitz live on air before retreating into the Brazilian backdrop to “get a gang sign tattoo and fight locals for no reason.”

Brazilian race weekend officially not concluded without Hamilton’s podium comment

There has been an administrative nightmare at the FIA HQ as the Brazilian GP weekend has accidentally continued into this week because Lewis Hamilton hasn’t yet been able to say that the Brazilian crowd are “the best fans in the world” in his usual post-race way. The circus cannot continue onto Abu Dhabi without the acknowledgement, so everyone is waiting for Hamilton to get back from wherever he has vanished to. A spokesperson for the FIA said,

We need Lewis to tell the crowd that they are in fact his favourite crowd before we can move on, the weekend just isn’t the same without it. Unfortunately, he left the circuit on Sunday night as he’s taking a new Submarine he’s purchased to the Isle of Man so he can buy a specific periscope that’s only made in that area. I don’t believe he’s buying a periscope, but I just hope he can get back to us to get this phrase out the way so we can move on.”

– FIA Spokesperson

F1 must remain in Brazil until his return.